By Rebecca Campbell, LCSW
The first week or two after school starts can be an adjustment time for many children. However, for some it can be more difficult with a range of new behaviors showing themselves. Parents often report their child is suddenly fighting them on homework that used to take twenty minutes and now takes two hours. Or their child, who used to fall asleep the moment their head hit the pillow, is lying awake with a stomachache every Sunday night. Or their child who never used to think twice about raising a hand in class now won't answer even when they clearly know the material.
Every September, our team hears some version of this from parents in our community. Their child seems more tired, or more irritable, or more resistant to things that used to be easy. And they're not always sure if this is just what back-to-school looks like this year, or if it's something more.
Burnout, Anxiety, and ADHD
Here's where I always start with parents: get curious about what's underneath the behavior, instead of reacting to the behavior itself. A child who's avoiding homework, snapping at a sibling, or digging in on something that used to be easy isn't doing it on purpose. Something is driving it.
Usually, it's one of three things:
- Burnout, from a summer with a lot less structure
- Anxiety, sparked by a new teacher, a shifting friend group, or tryouts
- ADHD, an attention difference that gets harder to miss once academic demands ramp up
The tricky part is that from the outside, these three can look almost identical.
What’s The Difference Between Burnout, Anxiety, or ADHD
Burnout shows up as irritability that wasn't there before, less interest in things your child used to enjoy, and exhaustion even after a full night's sleep. Small stuff sets them off more easily than it used to. To read more about burnout specifically, see what burnout in kids actually looks like.
Anxiety sticks around even after a good, restful weekend. It's fear and worry, and it's usually tied to something specific: a person, a place, a situation your kid is trying to avoid.
Say a friend group is reshuffling and your kid hasn't locked down a seat at the lunch table. They might suddenly not be hungry at lunchtime, or ask to eat in the library “to get schoolwork done.” That's not about the food, and it's not really about the homework either. That's avoidance, and the goal underneath it is dodging the fear of being left out.
ADHD doesn't look like burnout, and it doesn't look like anxiety. It's not caused by lack of rest, and it's not caused by fear. ADHD shows up as a gap between how hard your child is trying and what actually gets done, even on a calm, well-rested day.
Picture your child sitting down fully intending to finish a worksheet. Forty-five minutes later, it's still not done. Parents often assume it’s defiance or laziness. Instead, it’s a real difference in impulse control, attention, and follow-through.
How to Support Your Child
Understanding what’s driving your child’s behavior can give you a better understanding on what kind of support you can give.
If it's burnout, your child needs rest and fewer demands so they can recharge.
If it's anxiety, validating the fear works better than trying to reason your child out of it. Say it out loud: “That sounds like something that's really worrying you.” That tells your kid they're heard, understood, and safe. Once they're calmer, you can gently and gradually help them face what scares them. That's how resilience actually gets built, not by skipping the fear, but by moving through it at a pace they can handle.
If it's ADHD, the playbook looks completely different. Short, built-in movement breaks give a restless body somewhere to put that energy. Immediate positive reinforcement, praising or rewarding a step the second it's done, works better than a reward that's days away. A child with ADHD needs that feedback close to the moment of effort for it to actually land.
Will Putting More Pressure On My Child Help?
If your child starts falling behind or resisting more than usual, the instinct for most parents is often to push harder. If last year was smooth with structure, deadlines, consequences then it often feels logical that more of the same should heed results.
However that logic only holds up if the problem is actually effort, and in these cases it isn't.
If your child is burned out, more pressure lands on a child that's already exhausted and probably overwhelmed. If your child is anxious, more pressure raises the stakes on the exact thing they're already afraid of getting wrong, which tends to grow the avoidance instead of shrinking it. And if your child has ADHD, more pressure does nothing to close the gap between what they intend to do and what they can actually execute in the moment. This only intensifies frustration and shame to a struggle that was never about willingness in the first place.
What if It’s Something More
Hopefully you now know more about the difference between burnout, anxiety, and ADHD and that alone puts you in a better position to help. But if what you're seeing doesn't match any of these cleanly, or looks like some mix of all three, that's worth a closer look. In that case an evaluation can help sort out what's actually driving it.
If you're genuinely torn between any of these, reach out to our team, and together we can pin down what's going on and where to go from here.
Rebecca Campbell, licensed clinical social worker affiliated with Sasco River Center. Not personal medical advice. Crisis: call or text 988.